OoTP Rocky Horror Picture show style
by Natalilly
Summary: [ON HOLD] OotP Spoiler! It's the events of OotP told entirely with Rocky Horror songs! God, I'm bored. Read it, you should get a good laugh. We're up to song: I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN I CAN TEACH YOU DEFENSE
1. Harry Potter Number five

**Harry Potter and the Order of the ****Phoenix**** in Rocky Horror Picture show song style….**

****

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Harry or anything connected with him- nor do I own the rights to Rocky Horror… If I did, I'd be a rich girl… 

Author's not: I have NO idea what inspired this… oh, and Live's one of my favourite bands ;)  

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HARRY POTTER/NUMBER FIVE

(Science Fiction/Double feature) 

Professor Quirril was dead, Voldie gone from his head

After Harry Potter, Number one

And Tom Riddle was there, As Slytherin's heir 

Harry fought him then destroyed him then won

Then something went right for Sirrus Black one night

He escaped from good old Azkaban

Then without a sign, it came from- Rowling's mind

And this is how the message ran

Harry Potter-Number five

Who will make it out alive? 

See Harry fighting Ron and Granger

Who the hell is this Umbridge stranger?

Oh oh oh oh

In the lengthy Harry Potter- Number five

I knew Percival Weasley would cope real easy

As Crouch's assistant type guy

And we all got a laugh when one of the staff 

Taught ferret Draco Malfoy how to fly

And Cedric got it worst with a damn deadly curse 

That Voldemort uses to kill

But when Voldemort's won said Lucius Malfoy to son

"We're gonna give them some terrible thrills…" 

Like the

Harry Potter-Number five

Who will make it out alive? 

See Harry fighting Ron and Granger

Who the hell is this Umbridge stranger?

Oh oh oh oh

In the lengthy Harry Potter- Number five

Who will survive Oh oh

In the lengthy Harry Potter- Number five

I like Live Oh oh

In the lengthy Harry Potter- Number five

So take a dive Oh oh

In to lengthy Harry Potter- Number five

  
 


	2. Fuck you, you two

**Harry Potter and the Order of the ****Phoenix**** in Rocky Horror Picture show song style….**

Disclaimer: Neither of these are mine. You know what I mean

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FUCK YOU, YOU TWO

(Dammit Janet)

*Set in the room Ron and Harry share in the Black house*

(the bracketed refrain is sung by the hidden Phineas). 

Harry: 

You have no idea what I went through (You two)

All this Summer I've been down blue (You two)

With nothing at all there to do (You two)

And I've one thing to say and that's Fuck you, you two

I'm pissed off.

I hid where the flowers all grew (You two)

To see if any news had come through (You two)

But none of the muggles had a clue (You two)

I've one thing to say and that's Fuck you, you two

I'm pissed off

I know I'm screaming a lot

What harm could one message do?

Was Voldie active or not? 

Oh Ron-and-Her-mi-on-e I'm mad at you Ooo!

Hermione: 

Damn it, we've said that we're sorry! (Harry) 

Yelling at us makes you rather scary (Harry) 

But it's a burden we ALL have to carry (Harry) 

I've one thing to say and that's Come on Harry 

Just cool off. 

Hermione:

Harry….

Harry:

Fuck you

Ron: 

You're scary…

Harry: 

You two

Hermione: 

Forgive us…

Harry: 

I guess…

Harry, Ron & Hermione: 

There's one thing left to do… 

Harry: 

And that's go see the man who knows who… (You two)

… And what Voldie's up to (You two)

He can also answer a question or two *darkly* (You two)

Now I've one thing to say and that's I've forgiven you, you two

But Dumbledore will pay…

Harry:

Forgiven, you two…

Ron &Hermione:   
Harry was scary… 

Harry: 

Forgiven, you two

Harry, Ron &Hermione: 

Dumbledore…. 


	3. Hogwarts school of witchcraft

**Harry Potter and the Order of the ****Phoenix**** in Rocky Horror Picture show song style….**

Disclaimer: I didn't write these songs… well I did, but I didn't write the originals. I also didn't make up the Harry potter characters. And I'm not selling anything.

NOTE: For such a short song, it's taken me AGES to think up what to say to it! I've written later songs up, and got almost all of them figured out to the timeline, but this song's really been stubborn… sorry about the wait for it!

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OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE  
(HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT)

(Harry)

I was really freaking, really panicked out

Full of doubt

Of what the trial would say

It made one hot and nervous day

(Harry and Arthur Weasly)

I'm not expelled (From Hogwarts School of witchcraft)

I'm not expelled (Thinking I was made me look daft)

I'm not expelled, expelled

From the safety of the wizarding school grounds

(Lucius)

I'm really sus, now Old Voldie's back and needy

I plan to bribe, all the dumb and thick and greedy

Like Old Fudge

Like Old Fudge

(Harry and Arthur Weasly)

I'm not expelled (From Hogwarts School of witchcraft)

I'm not expelled (Thinking I was made me look daft)

I'm not expelled, expelled

From the safety of the wizarding school grounds


	4. Whinging

**Harry Potter and the Order of the ****Phoenix**** in Rocky Horror Picture show song style….**

Disclaimer: A really nice lady and a really nasty, fanged corporation owns the rights to Harry Potter, while a small, balding man with an insane smile owns the rights to Rocky Horror. Not me. 

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TIME WARP  
(WHINGING)

(Ron)  
It's astounding… 

Harry Potter…  
Madness has taken its toll

But look real closely

(Hermione) 

Can't be very much longer

(Ron)  
We think he's- lost control… 

I can't remember

Harry ever

Sulking quite this much

He's always pouting

(Both)

And it's getting annoying… 

(Everyone in the Black house)

Harry's whinging again

Harry's whinging again

(Twins)

It's just a sooky tight pout

(All)

We're not sure where it ends

(Twins)

Puts his hands on his hips

(All)

And yells at all his friends

But it's the angsty whine

Puts you in a killing frame

Harry's whinging again

Harry's whinging again

(Hermione)

It's so boring

Gets us all snoring

Harry's self goring, all the time.

He doesn't believe us

He tries to deceive us

Little whinger

It's a crime

(Ron)   
We're close to a mind flip

(Hermione)

Or perhaps a small knife slip… 

(Ron) 

He'll never seem to be the same

(Hermione)   
He's causing such a sensation…

(Ron) 

We're considering sedation… 

(Everyone in the Black house)

Harry's whinging again

Harry's whinging again

(Ginny)

I can't mention how, but I'm over him now

Which is bloody well fine 'cause he keeps having a cow

He changed a damn lot, took us by surprise

With his cranky pants, and tanty eyes

He's lost my love and I think that's fine

Cause I don't like guys that always whine

(Everyone in the Black house)

Harry's whinging again

Harry's whinging again

(Twins)

It's just a sooky tight pout

(All)

We're not sure where it ends

(Twins)

Puts his hands on his hips

(All)

And yells at all his friends

But it's the angsty whine

Puts you in a killing frame

Harry's whinging again

Harry's whinging again


	5. New Professor

**Harry Potter and the Order of the ****Phoenix**** in Rocky Horror Picture show song style….**

Disclaimer: I ain't sellin' nothin'

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SWEET TRANSVESTITE  
(NEW PROFESSOR)

(Umbridge)  
How d'ya do I- see you know my – beloved Mr. Fudge

He's just a little brought down, he thinks Dumbledore

Needs a bit of a- directional nudge

Don't get strung out by the way I look

I'm not a boring old leacher

I look quite like a toad by the light of day

But in class I'm one hell of a teacher

I'm just your new professor

For your Defense against the Dark arts

Let me dictate the rules, or maybe take over the school

You look like you're all pretty unruly

You'll get something scary, that's more… disciplinary

And will be passed out quite unduly

(Hermione)

That horrid evil old bat!

Did you just hear that?

She's here to restrict Dumbledore

Ron: 

WHAT?!  
  
Hermione:

She's Fudge's right arm!

She's here to do harm

Sit tight and see what's in store… 

(Umbridge)

Are all you, up with the news? 

Dumbledore hasn't any clues

To what really, going on in the world

By the light of this night, 

I'll set the whole thing right 

Fudges ideal world, unfurled.

I'm just your new professor

For your Defense against the Dark arts

Your Hogwarts has, changed tonight  
Before your yearly bite 

I'll punish with my favorite obsession

I've got this nasty black quill 

That'll teach you good will

And it's good for enhancing my… profession.

I'm just your new professor

For your Defense against the Dark arts

Hit it! Hit it!

I'm just your new professor

For your Defense against the Dark arts

So come up to my class.

And sit on your arse

I see you shiver with antici…..pation. 

I'll teach DADA

In an- appropriate way

'Cause I'll remove the prac

But not the theory!


	6. Daily Prophet

**Harry Potter and the Order of the ****Phoenix**** in Rocky Horror Picture show song style….******

Disclaimer: Don't blame me, I only live here

THE SWORD OF DAMOCLESE  
(THE DAILY PROPHET)

(Harry)

The Daily Prophet thinks I'm goin' outta my head

And it's so popular and famous, and really well read

Oh woe is me

My life's now a misery

Oh can't you see

That I'm just a piece of bad propaganda

I woke up this morning with my scar burning a hole in my head

(Ron and Hermione)

What's it THIS time?

(Harry)

And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnamable dread  
(Ron and Hermione)

What's it THIS time?

(Harry)  
What's this dream for?

Wandering up a corridor

And at the door

I'm always left with a pretty big downer

(Ron and Hermione)

Sha la la la What's it THIS time?

Sha la la la What's it THIS time?

Sha la la la What's it THIS time?

What's it THIS time?

(Harry)

The Daily Prophet thinks I'm goin' outta my head

(Ron and Hermione)

What's it THIS time?

(Harry)  
And it's so popular and famous, and really well read

(Ron and Hermione)

What's it THIS time?

(Harry)

Oh woe is me

My life's now a misery

Oh can't you see

That I'm just a piece of bad propaganda

(Ron and Hermione)

Sha la la la What's it THIS time?

Sha la la la What's it THIS time?

Sha la la la What's it THIS time?

What's it THIS time?

Sha la la la What's it THIS time?

Sha la la la What's it THIS time?

Sha la la la What's it THIS time?

What's it THIS time?


	7. I can teach you defense

**Harry Potter and the Order of the ****Phoenix**** in Rocky Horror Picture show song style….**

Disclaimer: Ownership details on the back of the packet

I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN  
(I CAN TEACH YOU DEFENSE)

(Hermione)

A teaching by that ugly old hag

Will get you killed rather quick, your corpse- in a bag

And it's all a big sham, you won't pass your exam

Without practical defense it's all a pretence…

You'll all fail or get caught

Cause the Death Eaters kill without thought

You'll be killed for some sport

You'll be defenseless

Oh honeys! (In a real mess)

(Harry)  
I'll teach you stunning and Patronus, follow my lead

Try to teach you all the things that you'll all sorely need

Such an effort

If you only knew what it meant

In so many ways, I can teach you defense

We'll do blocking, and sheilding

Do curses, and jinx

It'll be more worth it, then all of you think

Just a warning, it might be at your expense

But in so many ways, I can teach you defense!


End file.
